Contest January-February 2017 Voting Thread

[Slanputin]

We're all doomed

 

[lordkingcrow]

I agree with the rest. Voting for your own story is pretty lame. I wonder if there is any way to prohibbit individuals from voting for their own story?

 

[discomute]

It is lame, scalenex takes the approach that this is a gentleman's comp and he doesn't want to overregulate our behaviour. My two cents is that this is exactly the right attitude from our keeper.

 

[Lady Tor'ti Llaz]

Story Twelve: Warlord of Sorrow by Lady Tor’til Llas (*cough*Tor'ti Llaz*cough*)
Story Fifteen: Vengeance’s Fire by Spawning of Bob

Second half complete!

Story 12: Warlord of Sorrow

- the Mayan art lover in me enjoyed the description of the stelae at the beginning with the sotek imagery.

- it looks like this piece could possibly be the story of our lord Scalenex and his rebirth into the world! Definitely some undead shenanigans. That was fun, makes me want to go back and reread the Lord Renliss stories.

- Actually nevermind. The zombie-fied lizard is a saurus not a skink. The captive who gets sacrificed to complete the ritual is a skink. Poor scaley bastard.

- There was a TON of information in the last paragraph, I figured out what was going on in my second read. I think this is a prequel to a story from a previous contest... one where a saurus grabs a certain blade made of fire, and kills his oldblood and takes his place... I am probably totally wrong in this regard but that is what this story reminded me of! It looks like the necromancer is banking on the bones of the dead saurus' need for revenge. This story doesn't have quite the character development, its more of an epic character introduction than anything else. Here is an ancient saurus hero, a legend in the world of the Lizardmen, now resurrected to live a second life but chained to the will of an evil wizard. Should prove interesting, I am looking forward to the continuation of this story!

Spoiler: characters story 12

Characters:
Aasgeier Krähen- the necromancer
Brokenfang- the resurrected saurus

Well done. It was an honor to participate and read everyone's works, looking forward to seeing more reviews.

12. Warlord of Sorrow

I like the idea of an undead saurus seeking vengeance from beyond the grave. A great start to the sequel for “The Fireblade’s Challenge,” we have the newly reborn Quetzan-Ti, now called Brokenfang. The great thing here is the saurus, even after death and undeath only thinks of protecting Lustria. Brilliant. That is until he sees the word Traitor written on his gravestone. Will he go for revenge on all? Will he clear his name and reveal the identity of the one who should have Traitor written on his grave? Epic start to this sequel. Looking forward to more.

12 Warlord of Sorrow
The sequel to Fireblade’s Challenge goes in a completely unexpected direction for me. I thought it would be all lizardmen internal politics from here on, but no... Another faction with veiled intent, a seemingly disposable character brought back with a vengeance! Theme – tick!

Short and very sweet. Not a typical tied up short story, but a very fine next chapter. And another vivid piece of visual description. The necromancer is so detailed. Even his talking to himself makes perfect sense, being surrounded by generally silent “friends”

· I have a few story construction “suggestions” but they are pretty lightweight and perfect for being ignored. It’s all a bit of a wall of text – more paragraph breaks would be a balm for the ancient eyes of the late night reader. It probably looked alright on word, but it pays to double check when doubl space when you export to L-O.
· Fang pops out of the ground whole, with two yellow eyes (not bad for a pile of smoking chunks of meat, as we knew him from the last episode), but the Fireblade’s first slash put one of his eyes out last time. If I was the necromancer or the author, I would have left the eye damage as a reminder of Fang’s desire to avenge and as a parallel to the Fireblade’s own missing eye.
· The usual convention is LM using glyphs (ie hieroglyphs) rather than runes for written language.
· Fang looks back and can read “traitor” on his headstone. I think this should have happened a third of the way into that paragraph not at the end (after “ and then eye of a red scaled saurus.”) to be the trigger for his more recent, less happy memories. He could still look at the stele at the end to tie it up with his thoughts, or even smash the stone.
· The biggy. The minutely detailed saurus revenant does not have missing teeth described. Yet he gets christened Brokenfang. My poor brain.

My definition of plot hole is something unsaid which makes you think. Plot holes are not inherently bad if a plausible explanation is to hand, or to enhance a feeling of mystery. They just give a feeling that the story is bigger than what you can see at the time. Bad plot holes jolt you out of suspension of disbelief with a crashing WTM. This story has... narrative gaps... which do not jar, but I am going to ask my questions out loud.
· Does Krähen just keep a spare skink around just in case he needs a memory ritual?
· How does Krähen know that this Saurus has a thirst for revenge?
· How does a pile of smoking meat learn that the Fireblade had “corrupted an entire city, maybe even all of Lustria.”

· And now one of the gaps between all three stories – How did Krähen find Fang? Could the blade have corrupted Fang’s body and drawn the necromancer that way? Or is Krähen on the trail of the sword? Such possibilities, none of which this author probably intended

I am so excited about the broader narrative. We have a demon blade, a rat-plot, a necromancer with obviously clear but mysterious motivations, hate, rage and vengeance all round. Sounds like a delicious recipe. Best served cold.

Author Clues – It must be our very own self writer's block unblocking @Lady Tor'ti Llaz

Warlord of sorrow
I read this not knowing it was a sequel, only realising that after skimming some other reviews. And I don't really remember the Fireblade story.

So. As a stand alone it was a cool story. Well written, no mistakes stood out. Obviously there are no arcs, save for the 'traitor' part, which I was ambivalent about. Would lizards do that? If so it was a ripper twist. But I'm not sure they would. Very foreboding which I liked, but not enough action or character development. As a stand alone story, anyhow.

Warlord of Sorrow:

This was quite short, but got to the point. I actually enjoyed the little taste I was given, but I wanted more. Some might argue that wanting more is a good sign of a short story. This is not one of those times. There is a difference between getting a slice of wonderful cake and looking forward to another slice on a special occasion and only getting to lick the spoon that had once had the delicious cake on it. It was just too short. Outside of that, there was some sound description throughout the story and I thoroughly enjoyed the background of the newly risen warrior. I would encourage some more proofreading, reading it out loud to hear how it sounds, and look up when and how to use commas (I also have an issue with the latter. An editor friend had to point that out to me in very frank terms).

Warlord of Sorrow (and) Vengeance’s Fire

paired reviews, given that they're both sequel / prequel to Fireblade’s Challenge. Nice stories, but in this kind ofcomp, I like more when the stories stand by themselves. That said, in the growing saga of Fireblade they are nice gems.

Last to the finish line!

Story Twelve: Warlord of Sorrow: Well first off, this is a story about a Lizardman zombie. Bonus points for that. I’m not sure if this hits “hope” but it certainly hits “vengeance” on the nose over and over again.

One problem, it’s not a short story. The whole thing basically reads as a lengthy character and conflict introduction.

A Whimper was written by me when I was in study mode, having 3 exams right after the deadline. My own daughter (first) was due a few weeks after that (now arrived) and I was just totally over exams. I channeled how I was feeling.

Congratulations to lordkingcrow for a well-deserved win, and congratulations to everyone for producing very polished and interesting pieces, and congratulations to discomute on having a daughter *confetti spontaneously rains from the sky*. As for me, well, I have a few points to answer. Firstly, I wasn't really writing a story-story as it were. It was more a character introduction, and a way to make sure my writing neurons didn't give up. I've been very stressed due to familial circumstances as of late, and this has caused rather severe writer's block, and I've been focussing on a series that I have published the first part of, so I've been neglecting my more lizard-related projects. Also, I made a few muck-ups in my actual piece. For a start, the commas and text-dump-ness of the story. I have no excuse, I'm rusty. The fact that Quetzan-Ti has both his eyes, and is now named Brokenfang despite not having broken fangs, Krähen having a Skink for sacrificing, finding Brokenfang, Brokenfang knowing that Mixcoatl has been corrupted, and Krähen finding Brokenfang. The eye thing was just me forgetting details of my story (despite how Brokenfang is supposed to be a dark mirror of Ankhachic'qo, hence both of them losing eyes), Brokenfang is just a cool sounding nickname, because Aasgeier Krähen is vein and pompous, and his favourite pets must have cool names (but if you asked him, he'd say it was because Brokenfang has a broken mind, or something along those lines), Krähen has an entire baggage train full of Lustrian creatures (both living and dead) for the purposes of making lizard-zombies, making weird hybrid-zombies, for sacrificial rituals, and just for murdering horribly when he's bored (he's that kind of guy), Brokenfang doesn't know whether or not Mixcoatl has actually been corrupted, he's just assuming, and Krähen has been searching for the sword (for reasons I won't go into yet... watch this space), and also really hates Lord Bloag (my Slann) and his followers and has been looking for ways to mess with them for a very long time.

 

[Lady Tor'ti Llaz]

And, I have broken the forum. That bodes well.

 

[Scalenex]

And also what's y'alls opinion on the etiquette concerning voting for your own story? I didn't, but maybe I should have...

I agree with the rest. Voting for your own story is pretty lame. I wonder if there is any way to prohibbit individuals from voting for their own story?

It is lame, scalenex takes the approach that this is a gentleman's comp and he doesn't want to overregulate our behaviour. My two cents is that this is exactly the right attitude from our keeper.

I'm sure it's technically possible to rewrite the forum software to prohibit voting for your own piece but it's not worth the effort to implement. I believe Red Devil might be able to get a programmer to track who voted for what. That's a waste of time and/or money.

So basically, we have to rely on the honor system. If you genuinely think your piece is one of the best, vote for it, but for the most part we have a norm that voting for your own piece is in bad form.

The one time I was tempted to vote for myself was April-May 2016 which ended up in a three-way tie. I believed I was in the top tier but I knew my eternal rival Bob was not going to vote for himself so I didn't want to have my win tainted by an asterisk, even if only I knew about it.

 

[spawning of Bob]

Well, well, well. So that is who wrote what. Some of my suspicions were confirmed and only two of my wild guesses were wrong when it came to sleuthing out the authors.

Author Clues – It must be our very own self writer's block unblocking @Lady Tor'ti Llaz

Author Clues: This author got one of my two agony votes. The main protags echo @thedarkfourth ‘s priests in Blasphemy and dreamy / nightmary imagery is typical of @Slanputin . Either should be proud of this. Is there a dark horse in the field? Let’s eat it!

Author Clues: @thedarkfourth is this good. Others are also this good, but less likely to leave a happy feeling at the end. (See above: "let's eat Ritter!" - see how a single missing comma can ruin a sentence?)

Author Guesses: The society is complex enough to be from @Scalenex , @pendrake or @Warden, but proof read errors are not typical of any of them. (except for Scalenex, he’s hopeless.)

For the record, I give myself 5 points, because I knew it was really me who wrote my story. I just said...

Author clues – pretty sure it wasn’t @Lady Tor'ti Llaz (not enough detail). Otherwise, no idea.

... to put @thedarkfourth off the scent.

Kudos to @Essmir and @Scalenex, who I would normally spot a mile off, for writing great tales and hiding their hands so effectively. (I think it was the way they swapped their usual typographical error rankings that put me off)

And Sotek's Blessed Mark be upon @Kai-Otl, @Qupakoco, @Carnikang and @Wolfwerty33 for their welcome additions. I will be looking out for you next time. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

While you wait for the next story comp, why not check out the WIP thread for the next Lustria Online Art Competition? It will be stickied at the top of the Fluff Subforum by a moderator near you very soon.

 

[thedarkfourth]

Yay! Art Comp!!

Speaking of which, I've been meaning to say a huge thank you to @Warden for your AMAZING illustration of my story!

Too late! Already finished this one: the Doom of Tlax

View attachment 28082

I didn't see a name for this creature, so that should suffice for a title for now.

The final piece wound up very similar in theme to the tiny post-it note sketch I posted previously. The medium used was just basic colored pencil with ink again, although for this one it probably would have looked better with solid colors (something from photoshop or some other program), or even straight up paint. This is one I would consider redoing in paint sometime, I really enjoyed putting it together! Sorry for the light glare on the picture too...

I hope it conveys what I was going for: the daemonic-tentacle creature facing off against the skinks Panquetzl (with the spear) and Zeltin (in its tendrils) on the steps of the Ritual Temple, just as the time of the Ritual is coming to its climax, and the ghosts of the Fall of Tlax do battle in the epic panoramic in the background.

Spoiler: WIP

pencil sketch:
View attachment 28083

View attachment 28084

View attachment 28085

completed picture:
View attachment 28086

Spoiler: inspiration pics

As soon as I read the short story, I was reminded of Pride from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, a creepy and dangerous enemy.
View attachment 28088

I hope my pic depicted just how creepy I thought this bad guy was in the short story The Ritual of Words Yet Unvoiced; a creature with innumerable tentacles for legs, a black body with no arms, and a face with a smile but no eyes...

After all why does chaos need eyes? it can see everything anyway...

There was also a picture from the newest Lizardmen book showing a bunch of terradons flying around the very high temples of Tlax. I don't have the book with me, but the memory of it was the inspiration for the high-stepped temples in the background. Also I really enjoyed drawing the "army blocks" in the background, having explosions and lightning being rained on them. Almost like a Warhammer battle!

Thanks, I didn't notice that I had done that with his feet. I need to go back and redo him though, but I have too many other projects lined up at the moment!

For the record, the daemon was inspired by the Stalk from "Saga", (except with tentacles instead of spider arms) ...which is a really great comic if you've not heard of it.

However I've come to like Warden's version much better.

 

[spawning of Bob]

Hey!

Who won the @Scalenex Cup?

 

[Scalenex]

Who won the @Scalenex Cup?

I can't make up mind between "Commune", "Warlord of Sorrow", and "Hammer of the Lost". All have the misery and death that defines the Scalenex Cup winners in the past.

 

[spawning of Bob]

Flip a coin.

 

[Killer Angel]

Between those 3 stories, the most Scalenexy (is this even a word?) one, IMO is Hammer of the Lost.

 

[spawning of Bob]

Yes, it is a word, like "sexy". Except for its meaning.

 

[SlanntaClause]

I think the fairest way to decide just about anything is fight to the death

 

[Killer Angel]

Only if we mourn the losers.

 

[lordkingcrow]

Here goes some shameless advertising...

If you liked my writing on here, you should check out the short story I recently put on Amazon. I know some of you have already and I really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy!

US:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MY3K77D
UK:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01MY3K77D
Canada:
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01MY3K77D
Australia:
https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01MY3K77D

Don't forget to rate and review it!

 

[SlanntaClause]

I like the cover

 

[Warden]

Congrats @lordkingcrow for winning and thanks for participating to all the writers who entered, you made this competition very enjoyable. Lots of great new ideas to help expand the Lustrian Online universe.

Yay! Art Comp!!

Speaking of which, I've been meaning to say a huge thank you to @Warden for your AMAZING illustration of my story!



For the record, the daemon was inspired by the Stalk from "Saga", (except with tentacles instead of spider arms) ...which is a really great comic if you've not heard of it.

However I've come to like Warden's version much better.

I am so glad you liked it! The moment I read this story I immediately had this image in my mind (particularily the dramatic moment when the creature raises one of the poor skinks above his head... I really enjoyed making this picture from my favorite stories from this competition and I hope I did your story justice!

Spoiler

The Stalk creature is very terrifying to look at, I definitely had a much more "cartoony" image in my mind. Still creepy, but not nearly as visceral or insectoid like the Saga. I have been meaning to check out that comic, I have seen some of the art before it looked interesting!

 

[Y'ttar Scaletail]

*Reappears half-dead and clutching sheets of parchment*

Nearly there...so close...


Story Ten: Jumpy!

It took me a while to get the gist with the time jumps, but when I did I found them very rewarding. At least I think I got the gist. Hmmm.

Anyway, I do have a soft spot for pov jumps, especially across time. It can be a bit marmitey and can be easy to mess up, but I think this story pulled it off nicely.

Indeed, the daemon was terrifying. So much so that I’ve doubled the number of Warpfire Throw...I mean...Salamnders in my armoury just so I could kill such a thing with lots and lots of fire. Maybe dropping a moon on it...Will have to talk-squeak with Skryre...

I’m not sure what I thought of Hutl who either was hilarious and fun to read or seemed a little odd fitting into this otherwise graphic and almost serious tale. I dunno, I think I liked him. The two skinks were definitely great though.


R’ttig, a Vermin Lord: That daemon-thing spoke too much, far-far too confident that it would live-survive. Fool-thing, the simpler ways are the best...like slowly manipulating a race over hundreds of years so their thought-beliefs cause your chamber to manifest a nice warp-coffee machine...Actually, that’s a good-great idea!


Story Eleven: Huh, that was a very different setting and take on this brave new world of AoS. I kinda like it.

I did enjoy the exactingness of the ritual which stands to reason. I don’t think I’ve ever read a ritual that wasn’t executed with extreme precision to the point of insanity. Oh apart from that one time with Thanquol and a severed claw, but Thanquol’s both a complete idiot and hilariously overpowered.

The protagonist was annoying, but I think that was the intention of the author, so I’m fine with that. The pacing felt pretty good and was filled with some very nice descriptions. But yeah, most of all I loved how breaking the rules caused such carnage. Stupid man-things.

Mizzreek Gitfzk: Don’t worry-worry, Mizzreek can save-heal foolish man-things. Just-just a tincture of laudanum and a dash of...what-what are those ligh----


Story Twelve: Ok, in another life I was one of those fang-things, so it warms the cockles of my blackened ratty heart to see some necromancy in action.

As a sequel for fireblade, I feel it did a stellar job at setting up for a future conflict between the original two characters.

The descriptions in this piece were delicious and gave the story a lot of visual life. Pacing was on form and kept the piece interesting, though I left wanting more. Though that’s probably more a good thing than a bad one.

I’m not sure there’s much else to comment on other than this was one of my favourite pieces in the compy.

Necrilliach, a Necrarch: I wonder where the souls of these scaley creatures truly go. Do they re-enter the pools they spawn from or are consumed by thirsting gods? More research is needed...

 

[Warden]

It's OK. My eggshell protects me from ideas.

My ideas protect me from eggshells. It's a constant battle against salmonella.

My votes for the favorite two quotes of the competition.