Story 1 – Bowl of Blood
TECHNICAL: First off, I feel this piece was written well. This means that when I read it, I could see that the author had planned this out well, done research and the writing itself was well lettered (meaning I didn’t feel like at any point it was childish writing or repetitive which tends to distract me from any story).
The points that “pulled me out of the story” were as follows:
The actual ground floor of the stadium was not described and this affected my ability to fully visualize this. There was not a good description of the opposing Skink priest of the cult of Sotek so this also impaired me being able to fully visualize the scene.
How the game was played was also not particularly described. I had to stop and think to myself what could be happening. A little more attention to describing what was happening with the sport, or something like this would have gone a long way.
I liked the detail of the things that the supporters were holding, color schemes of the players, etc. I particularly liked the attention to detail on translating the chant into Lustrian as this definitely added to the feel of this event, which did in actual fact really feel more of a ritual than a sporting event. The details were also done well with the players.
Overall, I think that more work should have been done on how the actual game floor of the stadium looked, how the game was played and probably a bit more on the players. I had to strain to visualize this, rather than being drawn into the story by enough detail.
PERSONAL: I loved the idea. Blood Bowl in Lustria. Brilliant! As soon as I read it, I thought “Well played my friend, this should be pretty good.” Even the name of the sport was great (Pok Tok I think?). I also liked the idea of using the event like this to rally the people to a new cause (utilizing the timing(?) of an eclipse or magically inducing one) and furthering the cult of Sotek. Overall, I thought it was a very bright plot theme and a good use of the lore / special character to bring in Tehenhauin.
I didn’t like the fact that the game itself wasn’t described. I would really have enjoyed that. Even just a vignette of what it consisted of. Maybe one play of the game, with the ball(?) flying around would have given some idea of it. Possibly the author is relying on the fact that all readers know the Blood Bowl rules. I have no idea personally.
For me, the idea that captives would come in and play a game that they had never played before, against their will, was not realistic. Language would have been a barrier to teaching them it and, most importantly, willingness. I don't think any of them could have been persuaded or threatened into playing a coordinated game as a team. Maybe this could have been done as gladitorial contests between the lizardmen and the warm-bloods. The simile was in Ancient Rome with prisoners (barbarians, Christians, etc.) being killed by gladiators, wild beasts, etc. However, they would just be acting in self-defence and forced by circumstance to do so, so no training required. Even those people sentenced to be gladiators were fighting for their lives so they were forced into protecting themselves.
I ended up not voting for this piece mainly for the end. To me, the idea that Tehenhauin would order the deaths of fellow Lizardmen was not real as (at least from what I have read) the Cult of Sotek was mainly targetting Skaven.
Again, and I can't stress this enough, these are my opinions. The author has a full poetic license to do what he wishes in his story, I just would have ended this with some kind of use of the defeat to convert more of the Water God supporters to Sotek.
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I'm starting to regret telling
@Killer Angel that I'd do this. Hopefully
@Warden doesn't curse me off the site... I liked the story! Honest Guv!
