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Contest January-February Short Story Contest Voting and Reading Thread (Now in Runoff Election))
- Thread starter Scalenex
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Slann
Killer Angel
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Speaking for myself, i am strangled by real life schedule. It was already a surprise i was able to write my entry.
Salamander
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Story Reviews.
"A Journey Beyond" – A Lizardman’s Guide to Running Away Bravely
Chayhui'huic, a Skink rider, is on a desperate mission, crossing the World Pond (that’s the ocean, for those of us who don’t speak Cold-Blood) atop his trusty Terradon, Tetdi-ek'hui. They’ve been through storms, food shortages, and possibly the worst Airbnb stop ever—a decaying sea monster carcass. But it’s all part of a larger mission: carrying sacred plaques far away from his home city, Zlatlan, which has just gone through what can only be described as The Worst Summer Solstice Ever™.
What started as a grand festival quickly turned into a horror story when a slumbering Slann mage-priest was found thoroughly blessed by Nurgle’s finest infections. This turned his chamber into a sealed plague nest, complete with giant mutant insects that promptly erupted and started wrecking the city. Chayhui'huic, airborne and ready to help, was instead ordered to flee by a Skink priest. His task? To escape with the sacred plaques and bring them to the other Lizardman tribes—because the Southlands are as good as lost.
Now, exhausted but determined, Chayhui'huic and his Terradon prepare for the final leg of their journey, carrying the last hope of Zlatlan towards an uncertain future.
The storytelling is vivid, especially in its descriptions of travel, from the joys of an open sky to the absolute olfactory horror of landing on a floating corpse-island. The contrast between the peaceful opening and the nightmarish downfall of Zlatlan is handled beautifully—one moment, it’s festival time; the next, it’s Nurgle’s Pest Control Gone Wrong.
There’s a good balance of introspection and action. Chayhui'huic’s struggle between his instinct to fight and his duty to flee makes him a compelling protagonist. His bond with Tetdi-ek'hui adds warmth, giving us an enjoyable buddy dynamic between a Skink and his hungry, fish-gobbling flying lizard.
A tale of duty, loss, and airborne reptilian determination. Also, a reminder that sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is run for your life.
Chayhui'huic, a Skink rider, is on a desperate mission, crossing the World Pond (that’s the ocean, for those of us who don’t speak Cold-Blood) atop his trusty Terradon, Tetdi-ek'hui. They’ve been through storms, food shortages, and possibly the worst Airbnb stop ever—a decaying sea monster carcass. But it’s all part of a larger mission: carrying sacred plaques far away from his home city, Zlatlan, which has just gone through what can only be described as The Worst Summer Solstice Ever™.
What started as a grand festival quickly turned into a horror story when a slumbering Slann mage-priest was found thoroughly blessed by Nurgle’s finest infections. This turned his chamber into a sealed plague nest, complete with giant mutant insects that promptly erupted and started wrecking the city. Chayhui'huic, airborne and ready to help, was instead ordered to flee by a Skink priest. His task? To escape with the sacred plaques and bring them to the other Lizardman tribes—because the Southlands are as good as lost.
Now, exhausted but determined, Chayhui'huic and his Terradon prepare for the final leg of their journey, carrying the last hope of Zlatlan towards an uncertain future.
The storytelling is vivid, especially in its descriptions of travel, from the joys of an open sky to the absolute olfactory horror of landing on a floating corpse-island. The contrast between the peaceful opening and the nightmarish downfall of Zlatlan is handled beautifully—one moment, it’s festival time; the next, it’s Nurgle’s Pest Control Gone Wrong.
There’s a good balance of introspection and action. Chayhui'huic’s struggle between his instinct to fight and his duty to flee makes him a compelling protagonist. His bond with Tetdi-ek'hui adds warmth, giving us an enjoyable buddy dynamic between a Skink and his hungry, fish-gobbling flying lizard.
A tale of duty, loss, and airborne reptilian determination. Also, a reminder that sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is run for your life.
"On a Rail" – Murder, Monsters, and Mysterious Lizards: A First-Class Ticket to Trouble
Welcome aboard the Iron Express—destination: intrigue, vengeance, and possibly disaster. Set in the lush but troubled realm of Ghyran, this short story follows multiple passengers on a train winding its way northward through a peninsula teeming with diverse settlements, trade routes, and lurking dangers. But this isn't just any train ride; this is Warhammer, so naturally, things are about to go off the rails (possibly literally).
"On a Rail" is a fantastic blend of world-building, character-driven storytelling, and that ever-present sense of something bad is about to happen. The setting—a land where humans, Aelves, Duardin, and Seraphon coexist in relative harmony—is an intriguing take on Age of Sigmar's usual fragmented alliances. The train itself is a brilliant narrative device, both a symbol of unity and progress and a convenient pressure cooker where different factions rub shoulders… sometimes uncomfortably.
If there's a downside, it's that the climax hasn't hit yet. This is a story brimming with set-up—but what happens when the hammer finally drops? Will the train be attacked? Will Skritch betray everyone in an act of rat-based villainy? The story hints at explosive confrontations but holds its cards close. We’re left in suspense, which is both great for tension-building and maddening because we need to know what happens next.
A slow-burning, character-rich journey. If you like your Warhammer stories with intrigue, tension, and the nagging suspicion that everything is about to go horribly wrong, this one’s for you.
Welcome aboard the Iron Express—destination: intrigue, vengeance, and possibly disaster. Set in the lush but troubled realm of Ghyran, this short story follows multiple passengers on a train winding its way northward through a peninsula teeming with diverse settlements, trade routes, and lurking dangers. But this isn't just any train ride; this is Warhammer, so naturally, things are about to go off the rails (possibly literally).
"On a Rail" is a fantastic blend of world-building, character-driven storytelling, and that ever-present sense of something bad is about to happen. The setting—a land where humans, Aelves, Duardin, and Seraphon coexist in relative harmony—is an intriguing take on Age of Sigmar's usual fragmented alliances. The train itself is a brilliant narrative device, both a symbol of unity and progress and a convenient pressure cooker where different factions rub shoulders… sometimes uncomfortably.
If there's a downside, it's that the climax hasn't hit yet. This is a story brimming with set-up—but what happens when the hammer finally drops? Will the train be attacked? Will Skritch betray everyone in an act of rat-based villainy? The story hints at explosive confrontations but holds its cards close. We’re left in suspense, which is both great for tension-building and maddening because we need to know what happens next.
A slow-burning, character-rich journey. If you like your Warhammer stories with intrigue, tension, and the nagging suspicion that everything is about to go horribly wrong, this one’s for you.
"Longer Than Expected" – When an Assassination Mission Turns into Accidental Space Travel
Skarnikk Bloodblade, a Skaven master assassin, is deep in enemy lines, slinking through ventilation tunnels beneath a Lizardmen pyramid in the middle of a battle. His mission? Assassinate the Slann once it retreats into the inner sanctum. His problem? Everything is not going according to plan.
Things start getting weird.
"Longer Than Expected" is a brilliantly executed twist on a classic infiltration story. It starts as a tense assassination plot, then slowly drifts into something far stranger, culminating in an utterly hilarious yet horrifying reveal: Skarnikk has unknowingly boarded a lizardman temple-ship and it is leaving!
The slow-burn shift from gritty siege warfare to “Oh no, this is a spaceship” is fantastic. The way the clues are seeded—the metallic walls, the increasing hum, the sudden gravity shift—keeps the reader on edge without outright stating what’s happening until the final twist. We, the audience, realise the truth long before Skarnikk does, which makes his ignorant confidence both tragic and darkly comedic.
Skarnikk himself is a perfect protagonist for this story. As a Skaven assassin, he’s cunning, paranoid, and utterly ruthless—but he’s also stubbornly clueless in that special Skaven way. He never once questions what’s really happening, assuming it’s all just some bizarre Lizardman trick. His inner monologue of “Why plant-bush in pyramid? Stupid lizard-things.” adds to the absurdity—he’s so sure he understands the situation when, in reality, he’s completely out of his depth.
But what really makes this story stand out is its sheer cosmic horror. Skarnikk thinks he’s trapped for a few hours, maybe days. But we know better. The announcement about “mourning the loss of the To’Lomek city-temple” and their “course remaining unchanged” implies that the lizardman temple-ship; the realization hits the reader—Skarnikk isn’t just trapped in a room. He is light-years away from the battlefield, with no way back.
And the best part? He still thinks the war is going on.
A masterful blend of war, suspense, and sci-fi horror—Skaven arrogance meets the cold, uncaring vastness of space. Hilarious, tragic, and just the right amount of horrifying.
Skarnikk Bloodblade, a Skaven master assassin, is deep in enemy lines, slinking through ventilation tunnels beneath a Lizardmen pyramid in the middle of a battle. His mission? Assassinate the Slann once it retreats into the inner sanctum. His problem? Everything is not going according to plan.
Things start getting weird.
"Longer Than Expected" is a brilliantly executed twist on a classic infiltration story. It starts as a tense assassination plot, then slowly drifts into something far stranger, culminating in an utterly hilarious yet horrifying reveal: Skarnikk has unknowingly boarded a lizardman temple-ship and it is leaving!
The slow-burn shift from gritty siege warfare to “Oh no, this is a spaceship” is fantastic. The way the clues are seeded—the metallic walls, the increasing hum, the sudden gravity shift—keeps the reader on edge without outright stating what’s happening until the final twist. We, the audience, realise the truth long before Skarnikk does, which makes his ignorant confidence both tragic and darkly comedic.
Skarnikk himself is a perfect protagonist for this story. As a Skaven assassin, he’s cunning, paranoid, and utterly ruthless—but he’s also stubbornly clueless in that special Skaven way. He never once questions what’s really happening, assuming it’s all just some bizarre Lizardman trick. His inner monologue of “Why plant-bush in pyramid? Stupid lizard-things.” adds to the absurdity—he’s so sure he understands the situation when, in reality, he’s completely out of his depth.
But what really makes this story stand out is its sheer cosmic horror. Skarnikk thinks he’s trapped for a few hours, maybe days. But we know better. The announcement about “mourning the loss of the To’Lomek city-temple” and their “course remaining unchanged” implies that the lizardman temple-ship; the realization hits the reader—Skarnikk isn’t just trapped in a room. He is light-years away from the battlefield, with no way back.
And the best part? He still thinks the war is going on.
A masterful blend of war, suspense, and sci-fi horror—Skaven arrogance meets the cold, uncaring vastness of space. Hilarious, tragic, and just the right amount of horrifying.
"What Happens" – Reincarnation, but Make It Lizardmen
Jack, a dying man in a New York hospice, is faced with one of life's biggest questions: What happens when we die? His seven-year-old son, Tommy, asks him for an answer, and Jack does his best—telling the boy that death is a journey, a great adventure. Later that night, as Jack slips away, he finds out just how right he was.
Jack’s final words to his son—death is a journey, a great adventure—turn out to be literally true.
The deathbed scene is touching and intimate. Then the surrealism kicks in—the warmth, the brightness, the inexplicable rise from the spawning pool—and before we know it, we’re deep in full-blown Lizardmen lore. The slow erasure of Jack’s identity as he instinctively accepts his new form is the most chilling part. There’s no grand revelation, no lingering doubt. His past simply ceases to matter.
The existential implications are both hilarious and terrifying. Were all Lizardmen once humans? What happens when Skinks die—do they re-reincarnate? Is every temple-city just a mass collection of lost souls who’ve forgotten who they were?
And then there’s the dark comedy of it all. Jack gently tells his son, “No one really knows what happens when we die.” Moments later, he literally gets the answer: you get turned into a blue reptile with a pre-determined fate dictated by an unknowable cosmic plan. (Oops.)
The last line seals it: Jack—now just another nameless lizardman—feels nothing but purpose and triumph as he races off to his new life. There is no escape, no refusal, no grief—just blind, enthusiastic compliance with a destiny he no longer questions. He is gone.
A beautifully executed existential horror-comedy with just the right amount of ridiculous.
Jack, a dying man in a New York hospice, is faced with one of life's biggest questions: What happens when we die? His seven-year-old son, Tommy, asks him for an answer, and Jack does his best—telling the boy that death is a journey, a great adventure. Later that night, as Jack slips away, he finds out just how right he was.
Jack’s final words to his son—death is a journey, a great adventure—turn out to be literally true.
The deathbed scene is touching and intimate. Then the surrealism kicks in—the warmth, the brightness, the inexplicable rise from the spawning pool—and before we know it, we’re deep in full-blown Lizardmen lore. The slow erasure of Jack’s identity as he instinctively accepts his new form is the most chilling part. There’s no grand revelation, no lingering doubt. His past simply ceases to matter.
The existential implications are both hilarious and terrifying. Were all Lizardmen once humans? What happens when Skinks die—do they re-reincarnate? Is every temple-city just a mass collection of lost souls who’ve forgotten who they were?
And then there’s the dark comedy of it all. Jack gently tells his son, “No one really knows what happens when we die.” Moments later, he literally gets the answer: you get turned into a blue reptile with a pre-determined fate dictated by an unknowable cosmic plan. (Oops.)
The last line seals it: Jack—now just another nameless lizardman—feels nothing but purpose and triumph as he races off to his new life. There is no escape, no refusal, no grief—just blind, enthusiastic compliance with a destiny he no longer questions. He is gone.
A beautifully executed existential horror-comedy with just the right amount of ridiculous.
"Don't Miss the Boat" – A Skink, a Saurus, and a Whole Lot of Bad Luck
Tepaz, a young and ambitious Skink student priest, is on a grand mission—recovering stolen Lizardmen artefacts.
He’s been in the field for nearly a year, scouring the human world for artefacts plundered from Lustria. Accompanied by two loyal Saurus warriors—Zaiok the silent collector and Rokor the Gordon Ramsay of reptilian campfire cuisine—he has finally acquired all the sacred items on his list. Now, there’s just one thing left to do: get home.
Unfortunately, things don’t go according to plan.
Beneath the humour - such as the realisation to the reader that Tepaz isn't exactly a magic powerhouse, creating measly sparks rather than glorious fireballs - there’s a real sense of loss and struggle. Rokor’s death is quick and brutal, a reminder that even seasoned warriors can be brought down in an instant. The desperate pace of their journey builds real tension—you want them to make it. And then, when they don’t… you feel every ounce of their exhaustion and hopelessness.
And that final exchange? Brilliant.They aren’t dead. They aren’t captured. They aren’t even beaten in battle.They just… missed the boat.
Now they have to figure out what to do next.
A thrilling, hilarious, and gut-wrenching adventure—this is how you blend action, humour, and tragedy seamlessly.
Tepaz, I hope you like long walks… because you’re about to have the longest one of your life.
Tepaz, a young and ambitious Skink student priest, is on a grand mission—recovering stolen Lizardmen artefacts.
He’s been in the field for nearly a year, scouring the human world for artefacts plundered from Lustria. Accompanied by two loyal Saurus warriors—Zaiok the silent collector and Rokor the Gordon Ramsay of reptilian campfire cuisine—he has finally acquired all the sacred items on his list. Now, there’s just one thing left to do: get home.
Unfortunately, things don’t go according to plan.
Beneath the humour - such as the realisation to the reader that Tepaz isn't exactly a magic powerhouse, creating measly sparks rather than glorious fireballs - there’s a real sense of loss and struggle. Rokor’s death is quick and brutal, a reminder that even seasoned warriors can be brought down in an instant. The desperate pace of their journey builds real tension—you want them to make it. And then, when they don’t… you feel every ounce of their exhaustion and hopelessness.
And that final exchange? Brilliant.They aren’t dead. They aren’t captured. They aren’t even beaten in battle.They just… missed the boat.
Now they have to figure out what to do next.
A thrilling, hilarious, and gut-wrenching adventure—this is how you blend action, humour, and tragedy seamlessly.
Tepaz, I hope you like long walks… because you’re about to have the longest one of your life.
Razordon
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Fantastic reviews! They were even thrilling little tales in and of themselves
Slann
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Slann
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Slann
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Razordon
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Ka'rah scrolled through Chittr, killing time before patrol duty. She clicked through a link that took her to a very strange looking site. It looked like nothing she'd seen on the Tenqtlax before. The saurus clicked through a few links before calling out to her friend for help.
"Te'al'k, I found something strange through Chittr! It's in a strange language."
The skink priest headed over, looking at the screen for a moment before touching some controls.
"These are human glyphs I think. Some debased form of Reikspiel if I'm any judge…"
The skink activated the translator on the datapad and, after a moment of processing, the two lizards were able to read the screen.
"It looks like its another messaging platform. Lets see… Oh! It looks like they are running a writing contest"
"Let me see too!"
A Journey Beyond
Ka'rah: What a terrible fate to befall a city. And the last city of the Southlands. Wherever that was. The skink was so brave and dutiful. What a wonderful bond he had with his terradon though. Good descriptions too, I could really taste those rank smells on the end of my tongue.
Te'al'k: The Southlands was another place of the Itzatecah, outside of Lustria. Back on the World That Was, before our time. I agree, the descriptions were particularly good, with the cutting across of the present and the past. It kept a good pace and explained the situation well and the relationship of the skink and terradon with good pacing.
On a Rail
Te'al'k: Now this, this is wonderfully evocative. I can truly envisage the adventures in those strange sounding lands. And I think this answers your question about if any of this is true. This tale was one of high fantasy. Building cities alongside those of humans. A strange suggestion indeed! But yes, the tension here was palpable. All kinds of different folk on their way to one location, on one mode of transport but with many different motivations and goals. I could only wish that the author could expand further upon the tales told here.
Ka'rah: A tragic time for that saurus, yes. Though she is dutiful, as any saurus should be. She seems comfortable, all wrapped up like that though. The skaven seems unlikely. From what some of the veterans have said, they always stank like a steggadon corpse in high summer. I want to know what happens next. How can we message them Te'al'k?
Longer Than Expected
Ka'rah: Oh! I know this! This is from our history, the End Times. The departure of the temple-ships. The lead-up was good, it was vivid. Told through the eyes of the Enemy, makes it different. The assassin just doesn't expect it at all!
Te'al'k: You are right, this does seem like a tale set in the tragic days of the End Times. It was shorter than some of the others, but it had one theme and stuck to it. Succinct and to the point. There is very little extraneous details here.
What Happens
Ka'rah: … Te'al'k, is this what happened when you spawned? Are skinks some kind of reborn humans? Is this why you are so short lived and nimble? Oh, the story. It was short! And it summed up the greatness of being one of us. Though I don't remember my own spawning…
Te'al'k: Thank you for reminding me of my mortal limits Ka'rah. No, skinks are not reborn humans. The human who wrote this clearly and correctly identified how much better life would be as a skink. And yes, it was short. The sharp turn was predicable but executed well. And the description of the joyousness of purpose was well done.
Don't Miss the Boat
Te'al'k: We are back onto the longer tales here. There is a lot happening here, and the writer tried cramming it into the space available. Some parts worked out well, others were a little less well done. That Tepaz fellow sure has rotten luck too.
Ka'rah: Poor Rokor. He seemed nice. I hope they managed to get back after all of that though. It did seem that the author wanted to do some time pressure but maybe it didn't work as well as it could have? There were lots of things happening though, for sure.
Slann
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What a brilliant way to make a review!
Slann
Killer Angel
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I wonder if @NIGHTBRINGER will cast a vote, despite the absence of chaos dwarfs.
Slann
Scalenex
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Scalenex bestows some belated reviews
Story One: “A Journey Beyond”: The plus sides of this story are obvious. I like it mentions sights and smells. It does a good job balancing the “man” and “lizard” aspects of a Lizardman. That is a dichotomy that not all writers can do well and some don’t even bother to try. I always am a fan of protagonists with close bonds with their loyal beasts and I’m not sure we’ve ever had a Terradon story like that. Usually we get Carnosaur stories like. We probably have had a Terradon story like that before, but not in a long time.
The downside is the structure. It reads as an introduction to a larger story (I’ve written one or two myself). We get lots of these in our past Short Story Contests and I cannot recall a grand adventure preamble story winning a contest even once. This isn’t a bad type of story per se. They are still enjoyable reads in their own right, but they generally not as impactful as stories with a clear beginning, middle and conclusion. This story is basically just a beginning.
Story Two “On a Rail”: I like that author is working hard to tie together so many different factions and the character descriptions are vivid enough to make me want more.
This has the same downside as story one. It reads as an introduction to a larger story. In this case it reads as the introduction to a HUGE story. Or maybe a bunch of stories as the train is the one thing that links these disparate characters as they go about their separate adventures. (Furious internet search engine activity). This piece looks like an “anthology”. That’s the word I’m looking for. I like anthologies. But anthologies are not short stories.
Story Three “Longer than Expected”: Once again, we have a story that serves an introduction to future stories. With no offense intended to the previous two, I believe this is how an introduction-style story should work. While this piece as a whole served as a primer to a future story, it still encapsulates a complete story in and of itself. The Skaven is caught unaware by an unexpected challenge and is adapting.
My misgiving is pretty small. I’d like to know a little bit more about the point of view character. I’m not sure what clan the Skaven is from. Eshin, is my best guest but he referenced other clans frequently. Skaven don’t normally have this level of stoicism and self control. A little bit of backstory would have helped me understand him better. Did he realize that even if his mission succeeded, he would be trapped and unable to return home or did he not care? That’s rattling about my head.
Story Four “What Happens”: Just when I was wondering if someone accidentally posted the wrong story and I was asking “Where are the lizards?” I got hit by a shocking twists. Shocking twist stories are hard to pull off well, but this one did well. It had emotional weight and good evocative descriptions of his new life.
I don’t say this a lot for L-O Short Story contests. This was a little short for my tastes. Usually my criticism is in the opposite direction. This did a good job focusing on the lizard of side Lizardman with describing the temperature and the moisture, but it could have used more descriptions on sound, and I think adding a bit of smell and taste would help. And given the theme of the story, focusing on reptilian senses and how they contrast with how humans look at the world would have fit with the story’s rebirth theme wll.
Story Five “Don’t Miss the Boat”: This was a traditional short story. Yes, the protagonist has further to travel but it has an introduction: They are recovering artifacts. A challenge: get out of hostile territory towards friendly lines. And a resolution: He makes it in time. Good action. Good characterization for the Sauri and the Skink.
One small misgiving. I get that a skink assigned to this task might be able to speak a bit of human language, but the humans seemed relatively nonchalant about Lizardmen traveling in their lands. Brigands make me think back to a Saturday Night live sketch. A parody of the show called “Cops” but the parody was “Thugs” where robbers narrated what they were doing. “We are looking for people who are defenseless with lots of money.” “The worst people to rob are strong people with no money.” Medieval brigands are similar, and you’d think one with half a brain would not mess with three Lizardmen inexplicably in human lands.
Story One: “A Journey Beyond”: The plus sides of this story are obvious. I like it mentions sights and smells. It does a good job balancing the “man” and “lizard” aspects of a Lizardman. That is a dichotomy that not all writers can do well and some don’t even bother to try. I always am a fan of protagonists with close bonds with their loyal beasts and I’m not sure we’ve ever had a Terradon story like that. Usually we get Carnosaur stories like. We probably have had a Terradon story like that before, but not in a long time.
The downside is the structure. It reads as an introduction to a larger story (I’ve written one or two myself). We get lots of these in our past Short Story Contests and I cannot recall a grand adventure preamble story winning a contest even once. This isn’t a bad type of story per se. They are still enjoyable reads in their own right, but they generally not as impactful as stories with a clear beginning, middle and conclusion. This story is basically just a beginning.
Story Two “On a Rail”: I like that author is working hard to tie together so many different factions and the character descriptions are vivid enough to make me want more.
This has the same downside as story one. It reads as an introduction to a larger story. In this case it reads as the introduction to a HUGE story. Or maybe a bunch of stories as the train is the one thing that links these disparate characters as they go about their separate adventures. (Furious internet search engine activity). This piece looks like an “anthology”. That’s the word I’m looking for. I like anthologies. But anthologies are not short stories.
Story Three “Longer than Expected”: Once again, we have a story that serves an introduction to future stories. With no offense intended to the previous two, I believe this is how an introduction-style story should work. While this piece as a whole served as a primer to a future story, it still encapsulates a complete story in and of itself. The Skaven is caught unaware by an unexpected challenge and is adapting.
My misgiving is pretty small. I’d like to know a little bit more about the point of view character. I’m not sure what clan the Skaven is from. Eshin, is my best guest but he referenced other clans frequently. Skaven don’t normally have this level of stoicism and self control. A little bit of backstory would have helped me understand him better. Did he realize that even if his mission succeeded, he would be trapped and unable to return home or did he not care? That’s rattling about my head.
Story Four “What Happens”: Just when I was wondering if someone accidentally posted the wrong story and I was asking “Where are the lizards?” I got hit by a shocking twists. Shocking twist stories are hard to pull off well, but this one did well. It had emotional weight and good evocative descriptions of his new life.
I don’t say this a lot for L-O Short Story contests. This was a little short for my tastes. Usually my criticism is in the opposite direction. This did a good job focusing on the lizard of side Lizardman with describing the temperature and the moisture, but it could have used more descriptions on sound, and I think adding a bit of smell and taste would help. And given the theme of the story, focusing on reptilian senses and how they contrast with how humans look at the world would have fit with the story’s rebirth theme wll.
Story Five “Don’t Miss the Boat”: This was a traditional short story. Yes, the protagonist has further to travel but it has an introduction: They are recovering artifacts. A challenge: get out of hostile territory towards friendly lines. And a resolution: He makes it in time. Good action. Good characterization for the Sauri and the Skink.
One small misgiving. I get that a skink assigned to this task might be able to speak a bit of human language, but the humans seemed relatively nonchalant about Lizardmen traveling in their lands. Brigands make me think back to a Saturday Night live sketch. A parody of the show called “Cops” but the parody was “Thugs” where robbers narrated what they were doing. “We are looking for people who are defenseless with lots of money.” “The worst people to rob are strong people with no money.” Medieval brigands are similar, and you’d think one with half a brain would not mess with three Lizardmen inexplicably in human lands.
Slann
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Better late than never!
I've appreciated them, they are focused on the writing style wIth precious suggestions on how to improve. I like this a lot.
Of course, i will be happy to clarify a doubt or two, in due time.
Razordon
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Very good feedback here for all the authors! I very much encourage the sort of reviews that digs into both the positives and the negatives of the mechanical bits of the stories. The descriptions, writing style, structure, etc.
Slann
Imrahil
Thirtheenth Spawning
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Great reviews! some good feedback on the writing style very constructive.
Grrr, !mrahil
Slann
Killer Angel
Prophet of the Stars
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