Contest April-May 2016 Short Story Contest Voting Thread

[SlanntaClause]

Lets hope we get to hear the last of @Y'ttar Scaletail 's reviews before the end

 

[spawning of Bob]

Whoops. How did this whole sorry mess get this far without working out the nominees for the coveted Scalenex Cup? It is awarded to the author who kills the most named characters. Maimings are taken into consideration in the event of a draw. Scalenex himself will name the winner or winners.

And if Scalenex names you...


Watching Things Burn A good effort from the first story, with old Huaraz being well defined in physical, personality and philosophical terms. Then he died. Way to go, jerk. Points will need to be deducted because he was just about to kick the bucket anyway. RIP 1

The King of Lustria had a similar disadvantage to the previous offering, in that there were only two named characters, the Dread Saurian and the Slann, and out of that there were two survivors. Oh dear. Scalenex himself had suggested that the Bloodthirster be given a name – perhaps so this story could salvage a little bit of dignity. RIP 0

Eyes on the Sun I think the author may have had his eyes on the Scalenex Cup as he crafted this entry. He realised that his only named character was only going to get maimed – worth half points at best – and he used the underhanded technique of naming that character three different times in order to amass a total of 1.5 points. Sorry, Jao / Niyol / Ezhno we are onto you. RIP 0.5

Pirates of the Dragon Isles Having got to the fourth story with two or less named characters, I am wondering if the authors are even trying. Plenty of bloodshed here, but it just doesn’t show on a red shirt. RIP 0

Snow Saga If I was hoping for a break from character killing mediocrity, this piece did not offer it. No named characters. RIP 0

The Fireblade’s Challenge This story had a chance of streaking to the lead with a whopping THREE named characters, but it fell at the first hurdle by not killing the rat. RIP 1

The Coward Two named characters. One death. It hardly counts because it happened off screen and it was just a stinking dwarf anyway. RIP 1

Harvest A fine crop of named characters (comparatively speaking) with four named humans. The nameless seraphon didn’t die, robbing potential points. In the end no body died during the story. A single extra line (And then they all died in agony) would have garnered four points, but the opportunity was squandered. RIP 0

A Memory? Oh dear oh dear. This disastrous cup entry limped along with one leg tied behind its back when the main character, Tox couldn’t even remember the names of his fellow seraphon, who were, admittedly, dropping like flies. Well done killing the named skaven antagonist except... it was an unnamed decoy. Half points. RIP 0.5

The Forgotten Slann put itself at a disadvantage on the fourth word – giving the main character the title “Lifebringer” I anticipated disappointment and I was not disappointed. RIP 0

The Bounty Blood and guts everywhere, check. But I’m not sure that any of the named characters were real. What was real was the epic fail at getting any points. RIP 0

Trinity Surely the most unsettling death in the entire comp – which gives it a death-multiplier of 15. Let me see how that works out – the main character had no name and he died so that would be zero, multiplied by 15 makes... You just don’t get it, do you? RIP 0

Serpent’s Brew If the author had spent less time Thukking and more time naming he could have got a cup winning two points. Alas. RIP 0

Chosen Uh oh – choosing named characters from the army book usually means you don’t get to kill everyone. Unless you are Games Workshop. I feel like giving negative points because the lost little stegadon came back from the dead. RIP 0

Paranoia Two named characters and both of them dead by the end. Do we have a winner? No. Dead skaven only count for half points. RIP 1


Named characters have never been safer and L-O has never been softer. There is a four way tie with one point apiece – thus we must leave it to the death master himself to cull the field, so to speak.

Who will he name as champion?

I hope it’s not me.

 

[Killer Angel]

Oh my.
I'll make sure to offer more maiming and deaths next time.
But hey, at least my story is ranked high. ..

 

[spawning of Bob]

With a name like @Killer Angel, I had frankly hoped for better from you.

 

[Killer Angel]

Gimme a break, it was my first try, and at least I offered some wanton massacre.

 

[Otzi'mandias]

In my defence, I'd had little to no feedback apart from "Great" and "Keep going", and while they warm my little Skinky heart, they are awful for improvement and critical thinking. Please be much harsher!
Also, <disappointed huff> only one point? Chotek's scaly beard, I'm ashamed of myself. I must kill more innocents next time...

 

[Killer Angel]

In the meantime, the mysterious and totally anonymous author of "paranoia", followed @Scalenex ' suggestion, and posted his excellent story on UnderEmpire forum. I approve.

 

[Bowser]

In my defence, I'd had little to no feedback apart from "Great" and "Keep going", and while they warm my little Skinky heart, they are awful for improvement and critical thinking. Please be much harsher!
Also, <disappointed huff> only one point? Chotek's scaly beard, I'm ashamed of myself. I must kill more innocents next time...

Great! Keep going!

 

[SlanntaClause]

In my defence, I'd had little to no feedback apart from "Great" and "Keep going", and while they warm my little Skinky heart, they are awful for improvement and critical thinking. Please be much harsher!
Also, <disappointed huff> only one point? Chotek's scaly beard, I'm ashamed of myself. I must kill more innocents next time...

Keep going! Great!

 

[Bowser]

In the meantime, the mysterious and totally anonymous author of "paranoia", followed @Scalenex ' suggestion, and posted his excellent story on UnderEmpire forum. I approve.

Well that person did get a few new criticisms from me over at the under empire. I still have to post another story over there. Although I think the only comments I got were from Bob and Ratty Gnawtail. But then again, I almost never visit the under empire, so not really making myself part of that community.

 

[Bowser]

Also just noticed something, a warhammer inception almost.
I think I am going to go check Bugman's Brewery for a guy called Tarry BeardTail, and see if his profile says totally not a pointy eared guy walking on his knees.

 

[Y'ttar Scaletail]

I think I am going to go check Bugman's Brewery for a guy called Tarry BeardTail, and see if his profile says totally not a pointy eared guy walking on his knees.

I think you're looking for Drekki Ironhelm, renowned explorer Dwarf who was seeking to restore his family's brewery after his grandfather Laeg Buldsson lost it to the Skaven, took the Slayer's Oath and died in a The Slayer Brotherhood campaign against an ice dragon...and all the family recipes were lost. Though I think Drekki had the claim of totally not being a Goblin wearing a false beard.

There's also Drekki's very distant cousin Ikkred Pyrhelm of the Dawi Zharr, but that's another story.

Also, fret not. I am just finishing off things.

 

[Y'ttar Scaletail]

Kept you waiting, huh?

I can only apologise for the lateness of the final bunch of reviews. Lot's of RL stuff and UE funtimes have been keeping me busy. So to make up for it I invited several of my Skaven characters to give a comment at the end of each review.

Story Eleven: Couldn’t help but think the title was about the former username of Nurglitch IX on the UE and the mention of drinking with Dwarfs sounds awfully like that Ratty fellow... *Narrows eyes with suspicion*

I did feel the pacing for this one mayhaps dragged a little bit, the switching of point of views also did take me a moment to adjust to and work out what exactly was going on. I feel like I might be missing one or two injokes in this piece as well.

I loved the idea of a gun toting Skink bounty hunter wearing a wide-brimmed hat. Sure it might not make any sense (at least until the reveal ending) but it was fun to see a very different take on such a character. In fact, this piece was very enjoyable because of its lack of seriousness (psst, Y’ttar! I borrowed Herkter’s time device. Good luck with the next two! – Future Y’ttar.) Maybe in places a little too silly for me, but it’s probably best not to listen to me. All my comic relief characters seem to turn very dark and complex of late...

The end twist was quite satisfying and brings a more humorous twist on the whole constructed by memories thing. Very nicely done!

A comment from Felrix Brightfur, Skaven Bounty Huntress: “Now ah don’t know about y’all, but a true Bounty Hunter name-names their weapons. I don’t like this Eli-Nesz.”

Story Twelve: Mother of the Horned Rat Spawning Pool of the Big Hatted Old One! That was a terrifying descent into madness.

The story seemed to have a very distant drifting quality to it that gave it a strange dream-like state. Not sure if it would have been everyone’s cup of tea but I thought that it fitted quite nicely as the protagonist gets more and more paranoid.

The unnamed lead was intriguing. Throughout as his paranoia mounts and it seems like the sword is slowly corrupting his mind, the reader would think that the character’s final decision would be an obvious one. Heh heh heh. Nope! And it was that twist that made it one of my favourite endings of this competition. The final snap of his mind and the decision to become one with the blade was beautifully dark. Enough so that I can hear one or two of my insanity bereft rats giggling in their cages. Not letting them back out though!

I will say that the mud wrestling made me for some reason feel a little uncomfortable. Nay offence to the author but it at points felt like I might have been reading something dirty.

Whizz-Bang’s moral of the day: *Giggle* “Beauty is often deadly, scent-look at my pretty children. Such darling children. Watch them kill-slay...” *giggle*

Story Thirteen: This was not a story all about Skaven. Shame on you Scalenex! Shame!

So.

I thought the last one was disturbing. For Grungni’s the Horned Rat’s the Big Hatted Old One’s sake, you monster! You brilliant, cruel, monster!

So erm, I guess I should get to it.

Pacing! Yay. I did feel that the Skink dialogue did go on a bit too long and slowly for my liking. Whilst I understand that it is very important for the later choices of the story as well as giving much needed explanation, I’m not sure if it could have been trimmed just a little down.

The fight scene was visceral and heart pumping, you felt every blow...especially the last few... I don’t think anything needed changing there whatsoever.

I think the author nailed the (at least to humans) ruthless and alien mindset of the main character. His decision to go against the Slann in a bid to summon forth Tehenhauin felt like it was going to be a recipe for disaster. Place your bets, Khornate daemon or a Verminlord?

Herkter Underwells’ comment of the week: “Elf-thing skin makes nice-soft clothing. But I prefer Cathayian silk, much-much easier to get...”

Story Fourteen: I feel I would have benefitted more from this piece if I had a better knowledge of Lizzie lore. So, sorry about that.

Another brave choice with using named characters and whilst my knowledge of them may be small, I think it was quite a successful portrayal. To think, I actually felt sympathy for Mazdamundi, a bloated arrogant toad-thing that skipped leg day.

The flashbacks were wonderful and built around the story gloriously. I certainly found myself caught up in this piece once I got started, and only feel that a slight cutting of some of the dialogue here and there was the only way the piece’s flow could be improved.

I suppose I might wonder if the characters were perhaps a little too relatable to human readers, but I am but a glorious Ratman humble lizard-thing so it’s possibly just me.

I don’t think there’s much else to really say. Great work!

Diagnosis by Master Moulder Malthkus: Peculiar attachment to big lizard-thing, toad-thing has issues. I won-wonder if that stupidly named Skink who likes flying just got him a new big lizard-thing and claim-claimed it was the original. Stupid toad-things are stupid, not-not like Malthkus!

Story Fifteen: At this point I’ve decided to let the (not so) good Green Seer Gnawtail take over. He said something about casting another pox on myself and Ratty Gnawtail (I’m sure it’s just a coincidence they share name-things...)

Hello lizard-things, how go-goes the fight against Pestilens?

Anyway. This was a fun and interesting story-thing that almost reminded me of how I murd...I mean-mean how my former master accidently died from a poisoned dagger. Was great pity-shame, he was a good-great visionary in the art of Plague magic. But yes-yes, the author-meat was very correct in having their main character-thing know that betrayal was just around the corner. I might-may argue that I’m surprised Lyrok didn’t try to kill-slay Brikkit. Was Brikkit an assassin-thing? I don’t think-think so, but I was confused at the mention of an assassin-thing in the bar. Us Seers don’t like being confused...’accidents’ happen when other rats decide to confuse us...

But I digress. The drawn picture-thing I thought was odd-strange. Sure-surely if this Brikkit or another Eshinite had got-gotten in, why didn’t they poison the pools then and there? Was kill-slaying Lyrok really more-more important than poisoning the stupid lizard-things? Then again, I have yet-yet to meet another Skaven who wasn’t painfully stupid like that, though this is almost as bad-stupid as something Fool-Seer Thanquol would do...

In fact, the ending-thing was strange-odd to me. What sort of idiot-thing hires several Eshin assassins and Gutter Runners to kill-slay one rat of little importance? The author-meat doesn’t say if Lyrok is a Warlord or of importance and if he were, why in the Horned Rat’s name (blessed be He) would he even undertake this mission-thing? A proper leader-thing has underlings to do that...unless the underlings are too stupid and puny-weak. Even then, make-make sure you can escape when some fool-rat decides to throw an Eshin triad at you. If Brikkit is pay-paying that many Warptoken to kill-slay you, you should have enough to purchase a Skitterleap scroll that actually works.

But I digress...again. The story-thing was fun and enjoyable. The Skaven did seem like Skaven, just maybe more fool-foolish than I am used to. Now over to you, Tkull.

Warlock Engineer Tkull’s reflections: “Thank ye, Greenie! There be nay kinda kill like overkill! That be said, I never trust thar sneaks o’ Eshin, especially that fool-thing Herkter. Tae be honest, an Engineer’s best friend-thing be his warp musket...with Doomrocket attachment of course!”


So with that, it's over. Phew.

Again, a round of Spawning Water to the authors, reviewers, and contest runners! Cheers!

 

[spawning of Bob]

The poll is closed (long live the poll!) with an unprecedented tie. Prior to winner announcement (and potential accusations of bias) I am butting in to suggest that the points for the Scalenex cup should be used to break the tie. This would make Watching Things Burn the winner. This is an easy suggestion for me, given that it is my favourite of the top three, and most closely matches the intent of the long running Scalenex death spree.

At this point there is little reason for me to deny that I was, in fact, the perpetrator of The Harvest, and I would have got away with it, too, if hadn't been for those darn kids and their dog if it had been a two way tie, I would have conceded the podium to Watching Things Burn anyway, for a bunch of different reasons which doesn't include not having an idea for the next theme (I've got two really good ones, if anyone cares to ask).

What sayeth the Forum?

 

[SlanntaClause]

I suggest a match to the death but i'm old fashioned like that

 

[spawning of Bob]

Which is exactly the reason I just backed out.

 

[Slanputin]

The poll is closed (long live the poll!) with an unprecedented tie. Prior to winner announcement (and potential accusations of bias) I am butting in to suggest that the points for the Scalenex cup should be used to break the tie. This would make Watching Things Burn the winner. This is an easy suggestion for me, given that it is my favourite of the top three, and most closely matches the intent of the long running Scalenex death spree.

At this point there is little reason for me to deny that I was, in fact, the perpetrator of The Harvest, and I would have got away with it, too, if hadn't been for those darn kids and their dog if it had been a two way tie, I would have conceded the podium to Watching Things Burn anyway, for a bunch of different reasons which doesn't include not having an idea for the next theme (I've got two really good ones, if anyone cares to ask).

What sayeth the Forum?

Henceforth this time shall be known as the War of the Three Author-Kings. Rally your bannermen, muster your armies, and decline all wedding invitations for now we war! Democratically.

You were one of my votes Bob. I never foresaw the day were I'd aid in your rise to power.

Well. Hmm.

As the voting system is democratic I feel like the tie-breaker should follow suit. The Scalenex Cup has never been a measure for writing quality (sorry Scalenex!) so it feels cheeky to use it as the final scale with which to choose a winner. Plus it wasn't mentiond in the T&Cs so I think to suddenly introduce a new way to judge the winner may be unfair on the contestants/potentialy shape future contest entries to be literary bloodbaths.

 

[Crowsfoot]

The poll is closed (long live the poll!) with an unprecedented tie. Prior to winner announcement (and potential accusations of bias) I am butting in to suggest that the points for the Scalenex cup should be used to break the tie. This would make Watching Things Burn the winner. This is an easy suggestion for me, given that it is my favourite of the top three, and most closely matches the intent of the long running Scalenex death spree.

At this point there is little reason for me to deny that I was, in fact, the perpetrator of The Harvest, and I would have got away with it, too, if hadn't been for those darn kids and their dog if it had been a two way tie, I would have conceded the podium to Watching Things Burn anyway, for a bunch of different reasons which doesn't include not having an idea for the next theme (I've got two really good ones, if anyone cares to ask).

What sayeth the Forum?

I thought the Harvest was your style Bob, but who is the writer of "Watching Things Burn" but I agree with you Watching things burn was my favorite as well but all of them were good, I even voted for you Bob!

 

[Crowsfoot]

But... but... but... I do sense a twist in this saga!

Evil cackle as I walk calmly away leaving you all pondering my words ...........

 

[Slanputin]

ALSO if the winner doesn't want to select a theme I think the honour should be past down to #2 if not #3, otherwise @Scalenex chooses