GAME TWO
The scenario here was "Capture the Objective," but we wouldn't know where the objective was until Turn 3 ... and it came up in a randomized location based on a die roll and a chart. I felt okay about this, because I had Chameleons, and they can be, like, EVERYWHERE. Oh, and to make up for that, for the first three turns, everyone on the table is bloodthirsty and moves and charges an extra 3". Game automatically ends at the end of five turns. (This will be important later.)
Dice Gods were super nice to me this game, and I got both Great Rememberer and Incandescent Rectrices, which is what I really wanted.
Across the table from me, Kharadron Overlords. Now. Let me say something about Kharadron Overlords: WHO DESIGNED THIS NONSENSE? Like, for reals. Every new thing my opponent told me they could do, I said, "Well, that seems legit."
No wonder there were so many Overlords players in the room...
I'm probably going to butcher what was actually in his army, but from what I remember him saying:
2 Chemists?
Another character with a thing that let him, once per game, put out like 140 million shots
Giant Ironclad Zepplin w/ 3 balloon guys and a unit of 10 sky dwarves
2 more units of sky dwarves with multiple miniguns
2 units of jump infantry balloon guys with exploding drill things
A warscroll of some kind that let him do ridiculous things
So, given the nature of his army, I hid. A lot. In the trees. Because that Zepplin has 18 wounds and a 4+ save and all the shooting in the universe around and inside of it.
I am not exaggerating that, even though Mike was a really nice guy, I was 100% not looking forward to playing against his army. At all. It was terrifying on paper.
TURN ONE
I had the fewest drops, so it was Turn One to me to start. My general game plan here was: Hey. F*ck that Zepplin. A lot. No thank you for that Zepplin. That Zepplin can go away now, plzkthx.
To that end, I used the Starpriest's staff to double the Troglodon's bite power, then cast Starlight on him, and the Trap is Sprung on the big Skinks (as pointed out below, we played this rule wrong all day, but in this case, it would've been played right anyway, because that balloon had to go). Mystic Shield on the Big Skinks, and away they both went with Master of Space and Time.
For good measure, I also brought down the Terradons, who all dropped their rocks directly onto the Zepplin as they landed. 5d3 wounds later, and the Zepplin was down to 10. 10, I can work with. Troglodon spit put another 2 wounds down, and then the javelins and skink shooting downed the stupid Ironclad before it could go anywhere or do anything.
A couple of the space dwarves died inside the falling balloon, and the rest got out into the woods.
The Troglodon charged the remaining space dwarves, gobbling them up easily with 4 wounds per bite attack. The three balloon guys behind them got pulled into the combat, which was irritating, and did about 700 wounds with their enhanced drills (some character kept letting those drills do extra stuff and it was five kinds of bullshit).
On his turn one, he just turned all his dwarves toward my Troglodon, and melted him. It was sad. Also, the Terradons caught quite a few shots as well, and were whittled down to half ... with wounds on the fourth. More sadder.
TURN TWO
Initiative went to him. Bleh.
Shooting pretty much decimated my Terradons, and that was the end of their journey in this game. But it took shooting from most of his units to get it done.
His balloon guys charged my big Skinks and pinned them there. I could have Wary Fighters them, but I thought I could take him, 40 to 3. That's a dumb way to think about this game. Just so you know. He killed like six of my Skinks, and I did exactly one wound with 34 attacks. Because "I can take him 40 to 3" is a dumb way to think about this game.
My turn was short and sweet: Master of Space and Time, and steampunk dwarves can go to hell ... I'll just wait for the objective to pop up on Turn Three.
TURN THREE
You know how the cardinal rule of Warhammer is never say anything out loud that you
don't want to come true?
So right here, I said, "As long as the objective comes up anywhere but that corner of the table over there, I'll be fine." I said it out loud. I've been playing forever. I know better. I said it out loud and the universe punished me.
The objective came up in his corner, basically right in the middle of his army.
He laughed out loud, surrounded it with steampunk dwarves, and dared me to come over there.
Now, I could have taken pictures for the rest of the game, but you know what happened from here. I can't get over there to crack that open, and he knows it.
EXCEPT...
Here's what happened:
End of Turn Three, I just cast a bunch of protection on myself.
Turn Four, initiative went to me. I recast all my protection.
Turn Four, he sits on top of the objective.
Turn Five, he says, out loud, "Well, I really need to not win this initiative roll." Then he wins the initiative roll.
So he's kind of pissed about it, naturally, and decides to take it out on me by hopping two units of balloon guys over toward me, and then shooting like 700 drill shots at my Slann. They do a really good job of killing him, because they kill him.
BUT I HAVE INCANDESCENT RECTRICES. And I roll a 3, then a 5, and stand him back up with 3 wounds.
Mike was ... displeased.
Turn Five, I bring up my Chameleons in the one place that I can, and then Master of Space and Time the big unit of Skinks. They have to go kind of far away, but I luck out and roll a 6 and they can move normally. At this point, there is no way I can get to the objective. He has it bubble wrapped too well. But I have 16" range, and he left me enough space to maneuver. So what's left to do? I machine gun the crap out of that one unit of steampunk dwarves and kill them down to zero.
With no one left within 3" of the objective, the game is declared a draw.
Given that this army was effing BRUTAL to face, an 8-8 tie was perfectly fine by me. I'll take that and put it in my pocket, thank you very much. Especially considering I was definitely going to lose the game three minutes before I turned it into a draw...
Next up ... a four way tie for first place after Round Two leaves me on one of the two top tables, where I absolutely did not want to be ...
