Army Fluff Lizerd’s Army Lore

[Lizerd]

So here it is; a rough draft of my first AoS battle given a more flavorful description. This honestly is my first time writing any army fluff so comments and criticism is highly welcome


The stormcast were thoroughly entrenched in their camp, well defended and seemingly prepared for any threat that would come their way. However as night drew closer an intense storm was spotted on the horizon. Desperately trying to protect their gleaming armor the soldiers of Sigmar hurriedly retreated into their tents to avoid the oncoming storm. Little did they know that this storm would be like no other. As the clouds grew closer the light began to shift and warp in wholly unnatural ways, with beams of pure white light descending to the ground. Instead of rain, small drops of energy hit the ground and tents, creating blinding flashes of light.


In his tent the Lord Arcanum shivered, despite the protection of his tent, he could still feel the chill and discharge of the falling lights. As he tried to close his eyes and drift into sleep a sudden commotion jarred him awake. Outside his tent he could hear armor clanking and the sounds of barked orders. Quickly he rose from his resting place and grabbed his staff.


“What is going on here?” The Golden warrior shouted above the din. A sequitor rushed forward and hastily relayed the news.


“Sir, we can see things, shapes, no creatures forming in the starlight. What’s more is that they are clearly nearing the camp!” As soon as the soldier finished his statement the Lord Arcanum hastily mounted his Dracoline and shouted at his men to form a line. Then they appeared.


A dozen or so forms manifested from the beams of light. Their forms were hulking and massive, standing at a similar size to the men of Sigmar. As the light began to die down the stormcast began to make them out more. These creatures were like nothing they had seen before. Each of these creatures was reptilian and form, with thick hides of blue scales of a bright hue. The largest among them roared and lifted a stone blade, pointing at the stormcast battle line. Immediately the warriors locked shields and began to march forward. The Lord Arcanum, at an utter loss of what to do simply shouted at his men to march forward.


Before the sentence had even fully left his mouth, another shape began to manifest in the starlight, dwarfing even his mighty Dracoline. Both he and his men were blinded by its arrival, shutting their eyes as it manifested. Again like the creatures before it the light began to fade and it’s form was more discernible. It was not one creature, but a pair of them. The larger beast was a deep crimson with jagged stripes of black splashing across its flank, and as it bellowed into the heavens, it revealed a mouth of sword like teeth. Atop this great beast sat another creature, similar to the saurian warriors that had manifested only seconds ago. However this creature was much larger than the other reptiles, making them seem almost diminutive next to its imposing presence. The great saurian roared and pointed a spear straight at the Lord Arcanum’s beating heart.


Gulping down his overwhelming sense of dread he ordered his men to engage the enemy. Sigmarite weapons and shields clashed against thick hides and shields, with little effect. The few they did manage to slay burst into a blinding light, leaving no trace of their existence behind. Yet even as the saurians began to cut down the Sequitors the Lord Arcanum noticed something odd. The great monster was nowhere to be seen. As if to answer his question a sudden roar and and blinding light emerged behind him. The Lord Arcanum hurriedly wheeled his mount to face the new challenge, bracing himself for what was to come. Even as the light faded he felt the earth shake from thundering footfalls, and when at last the light died down he saw it, the terrifying beast and its colossal rider, charging towards him.


The saurian rider extended a gold covered arm and opened its clenched fist, unleashing several blasts that arced towards the Stormcast. As each bolt made contact the Lord Arcanum could feel parts of his armor and flesh being scorched away, and underneath him he could hear the shriek of his mount as it reared up in pain, a scorch mark covering its left leg. Then the gargantuan beast collided with him in a thunderous crash that would have pulverized a smaller creature. Immediately the large beast slammed the Dracoline to the ground and began to tear into it with massive jaws. Even as his mount was butchered beneath him, the lord Arcanum desperately tried to weave a spell to try to topple the creature. Before the words had left his mouth he felt a burning pain in his chest as the saurian rider plunged its spear into the storm forged general. Before he could scream, his very form disintegrated and rocketed towards the heavens in a bolt of lightning.


As the battlefield cleared of bodies the hulking saurian war leader dismounted and strode towards a single, small plaque with indecipherable symbols on it. Lifting this item up, it roared in triumph as it and its army faded into blinding lights.

 

[Paradoxical Pacifism]

I really like the narrative battle report. Actually, I wonder if this is a battle report. If so, i'd like some more!

Anyway, you're really good at painting a vivid picture. And by painting I mean imagery, of course.

As the clouds grew closer the light began to shift and warp in wholly unnatural ways, with beams of pure white light descending to the ground. Instead of rain, small drops of energy hit the ground and tents, creating blinding flashes of light.

^ I really like the comparison between rain and seraphon beaming down from the heavens. "Instead of rain, small drops of energy" Was really clever and envisioned an epic image with so few words.


What I think you can work on some more would be pacing. Usually, action scenes in stories are supposed to go by fast, but here, they're a bit slow.

Gulping down his overwhelming sense of dread he ordered his men to engage the enemy. Sigmarite weapons and shields clashed against thick hides and shields, with little effect. The few they did manage to slay burst into a blinding light, leaving no trace of their existence behind. Yet even as the saurians began to cut down the Sequitors the Lord Arcanum noticed something odd. The great monster was nowhere to be seen. As if to answer his question a sudden roar and and blinding light emerged behind him. The Lord Arcanum hurriedly wheeled his mount to face the new challenge, bracing himself for what was to come. Even as the light faded he felt the earth shake from thundering footfalls, and when at last the light died down he saw it, the terrifying beast and its colossal rider, charging towards him.


The saurian rider extended a gold covered arm and opened its clenched fist, unleashing several boasts that arced towards the Stormcast. As each bolt made contact the Lord Arcanum could feel parts of his armor and flesh being scorched away, and underneath him he could hear the shriek of his mount as it reared up in pain, a scorch mark covering its left leg. Then the gargantuan beast collided with him in a thunderous crash that would have pulverized a smaller creature. Immediately the large beast slammed the Dracoline to the ground and began to tear into it with massive jaws. Even as his mount was butchered beneath him, the lord Arcanum desperately tried to weave a spell to try to topple the creature. Before the words had left his mouth he felt a burning pain in his chest as the saurian rider plunged it into the storm forged general. Before he could scream, his very form disintegrated and rocketed towards the heavens in a bolt of lightning.

^ Braking up these paragraphs into smaller ones can quicken the pacing. Smaller sentences and paragraphs are usually read faster, which fit well with action scenes.

 

[bOdziO Wolf]

When you are warping in into the middle of the enemy army
Good one! Can't wait to know why they attacked each other though ^^

 

[Lizerd]

I really like the narrative battle report. Actually, I wonder if this is a battle report. If so, i'd like some more!

Anyway, you're really good at painting a vivid picture. And by painting I mean imagery, of course.




^ I really like the comparison between rain and seraphon beaming down from the heavens. "Instead of rain, small drops of energy" Was really clever and envisioned an epic image with so few words.


What I think you can work on some more would be pacing. Usually, action scenes in stories are supposed to go by fast, but here, they're a bit slow.




^ Braking up these paragraphs into smaller ones can quicken the pacing. Smaller sentences and paragraphs are usually read faster, which fit well with action scenes.

yup, this was a battle report of my first proper AoS battle! As for pacing problems, I’m not to surprised as most of the stuff I’ve ever written are bland monotone English essays. Definitely going work on that for the next one

Then you are warping in into the middle of the enemy army
Good one! Can't wait to know why they attacked each other though ^^

Based of a true experience to, as my opponent had a horrified expression on his face when I used LoSaT on my carnosaur
As for the conflict reason, the end has a vague hint, but I could do more to follow up

 

[bOdziO Wolf]

As for the conflict reason, the end has a vague hint, but I could do more to follow up

You know they could always ask nicely, since they are allies?

 

[Lizerd]

Seraphon vs Orruks, enjoy


As the sun began to rise over the horizon, a great din could be heard near the waking city of Aethershire. To the guards horror, as they gazed out over the rolling hills and deep canyons they could see an armored mass of greenskinz marching towards the city, their deep throated bellows of jubilation audible to the guards on the wall.


******

The orruks marched forward, ever more excited to reach their target. All too soon, they reached the outer perimeter of the city, and the war boss stood atop his maw krusha to bellow orders. Just as the mega boss prepared to below orders, shouting could be heard from their back ranks. Madly shoving through their ranks, a single ard boy could be seen dashing through the ranks.

“ATTAC, ATTAC, ATTAC FROM' BEHIND!” He madly grunted into the air. His words provoked an I,mediate response, as all throughout the army deafening roars and the sounds of waaagh pierced the air and deafened the inhabitants of Aethershire.


However the roars and clamour were short lived, as the sky darkened as hundreds of darts and javelins whistled downwards. While many of these projectiles simply were deflected by the thick armor of the Orruks, a significant amount of these deadly projectiles found their mark, as many ironjawz fell to the ground writhing in agony before going limp. Despite the slaughter of many of their companions, the majority of the orruks still charged forward towards their unseen attackers.


As the ground rumbled from the tide of brutish muscle, a huge contingent of reptilian creatures rose from the ground and darted towards the hills. The dull witted greenskinz pursued, rushing through narrow canyons and over jagged rocks to catch their foe. Just as they seemed to finally appeared to be in reach of their foes they found themselves on a wide open valley, surrounded by hills.


To the orruks amazement, blinding lights appeared to descend from the sky, stunning the onlookers. Beams of light began to coalesce and through the glaring light hulking forms began to manifest. Then the lights died down, and the greenskinz could make out their foes, massive and reptilian.


“Da seraphon! Lock shieldz n’ charge!” The mega boss roared in delight. Immediately the greenskinz locked shields and rushed forwards towards the seraphon battleline.



Then the earth began to tremble with stones and dust flung into the air; the saurus knights thundering towards their targets. As the seraphon battleline closed with their targets, the Lances clenched in the saurus knights hands ignited with the raging flames of Azyr. Then they collided. A brutal whirl of claws, teeth, and fire immediately ensued. The great cacophony of the brutal melee was deafening; snarling, roars, and the sounds of agony filled the air.


However all sounds would be overwhelmed by a deafening, gut busting roar. Three Orruk warlords on Maw Krushas rose above the mass of orruks and plunged towards the seraphon battleline. The first warboss was made impact, colliding with a wall of Lances. While the Maw Krusha managed to deflect the first few Lances directed at it, its luck soon fizz elves out. The great beast bellowed in pain as a saurus Knight drove a blazing Lance into the Maw Krusha’s eye. Instantly the colossal beast bellowed in agony and reared up, furiously trying to remove the Lance from its eye, and as it did so a dozen more Lances found their mark, slipping under thick armored scales and igniting with the roaring flames of azyr. The beast bellowed one last time before falling to the ground, bursting into flame that consumed both the beast and its rider in a roaring inferno.


Despite the death of their compatriot, the other war bosses continued their charge. They met little resistance as the saurus knights failed to brace in time. Cold Ones and Saurus Knights were flung in the air, crushed underfoot, or mauled by the massive jaws of the Maw Krushas. Seemingly in response two massive reptilians descended from the heavens, a saurus old blood and scar veteran, both mounted on dreaded carnosaurs. Immediately they made bounding strides towards the Orruk warlords, searching for blood.


The scar veteran made contact first, slamming into the smaller of the two remaining war bosses. Immediately the saurus war leader lunged forward, gnashing with ferocious jaws. The saurus scar veteran was desperately knocked aside by a wild swing of the Orruk warboss’ axe, but even before the greenskin could return a blow, he felt a sharp pain in his chest. Even as he turned his head to look down, he could feel the celestial magic unraveling the very fabric of his existence.


As the battle between the scar veteran and Orruk warboss drew to a close, another, far more epic battle began to unfold.

expect part 2 sometime tomorrow

 

[Lizerd]

Part two! (It gets pretty graphic)

Not far away, the Oldblood and the orruk Warboss were closing in. When the two titans collided the entire sounds of battle seemed silent next to the deafening bellows of the maw krusha and the carnosaur. The two behemoths collided, causing the very earth to tremble beneath the vast impact.


Immediately the Warboss was upon the armored behemoth, furiously lashing out at its foe with a flurry of blows. Each strike became more frenzied then the last, pushing the lizard rider on the defense. At last the Warboss struck home, driving a deep axe blow into the oldbloods shoulder. Immediately a blinding light stunned the Warboss, even before the oldbloods deafening roar of pain reached the orruks skull.


The maw krusha, like it’s rider, started on the upper foot, slamming into the carnosaur and biting down on its flank. The carnosaur thrashed furiously, attempting to break the death grip. Even as the carnosaur struggled, it exposed its rider to a strike from the Warboss. As the Oldblood bellowed, the carnosaur beneath was galvanized into action. With its free arm it smashed into the Maw Krusha’s skull, creating massive lacerations on the brutish monster’s head.


More out of surprise then pain, the brutish beast released the carnosaur, and reared back in startlement. The carnosaur lunged forwards and slammed into the Maw Krusha, pinning it to the ground. As the beast lunged the Oldblood on its back leapt from the saddle and tackled the Warboss, bringing the two crashing into the ground.


The carnosaur was now on top of the Maw Krusha, with its massive arms pinning the beast to the ground. Even as the Maw Krusha struggled the carnosaur lowered its jaw and sunk its teeth into the struggling beast, unleashing a shower of gore. Again and again the carnosaur bit down, each time plunging its teeth deeper into flesh. First it sunk beneath skin and scales, then through thick fat and muscle, beneath bone, and finally tearing into the chest cavity, seizing the heart of the maw krusha and tearing it out.


Even as the battle between the two colossal beasts raged on, the conflict between the Oldblood and Warboss was every bit as savage. Immediately attempting to capitalize on slamming the Warboss, the Oldblood attempted to impale the toppled Orruk. The greenskin responded with a wild swing of his axe, knocking aside the spear and lashing out the orruk plunged his spiked fist into the Oldblood’s chest. The spike went deep, puncturing armor and scales and breaking through ribs made of stars. But before the Warboss could drive the spike deeper, he felt a searing pain in his arm, squeezing his eyes tight he attempted to make out the source of his pain, only to see the oldblood’s fanged maw plunging into his arm. Then in one grand motion the Oldblood tore the arm clean from the socket. Yet the pain of having his arm ripped off was nothing next to the sunbolt gauntlet being clamped around his face. The Orruk struggled as the grip tightened, then in a single savage moment, the greenskin’s skull shattered under the pressure. Bits of brain and gore drenched the Oldblood where it stood, heaving from the effort.


The death of the mighty Warboss sent a ripple of fear through the green skin army. All across the line the savage frenzy of the orruks began to falter, and the deranged fervor was replaced with another emotion, terror. In dread the orruks fled, madly fleeing from the inescapable saurian wrath, Desperately they attempted to flee back through the mountain pass. Yet even as they got closer to their freedom, a blinding light appeared signaling the emergence of new saurian warriors, blocking the pass. The terrified screams of the orruks being massacred was deafening miles away.

 

[Paradoxical Pacifism]

Not far away, the Oldblood and the Warboss in charge of the horde were closing in.

This sentence makes it sounds like the Oldbood is in charge of the horde along with the warboss.

The battle between the two leaders mounts was every bit as brutal.

This sentence is a bit useless in the context of the paragraph it is in. In the paragraph, you already described the battle between the two leaders' mounts amazingly and with much brutal detail. So There isn't much use in restating the idea/feeling behind the action imo.


This time, I do feel the action is better paced, and the visuals are wicked cool as ever. Keep up the good work.

 

[Lizerd]

This sentence makes it sounds like the Oldbood is in charge of the horde along with the warboss.




This sentence is a bit useless in the context of the paragraph it is in. In the paragraph, you already described the battle between the two leaders' mounts amazingly and with much brutal detail. So There isn't much use in restating the idea/feeling behind the action imo.


This time, I do feel the action is better paced, and the visuals are wicked cool as ever. Keep up the good work.

Post edited to your suggestions, glad you enjoyed the ridiculously over the top battles, they are a now to write

 

[Paradoxical Pacifism]

glad you enjoyed the ridiculously over the top battles,

The terrified screams of the orruks being massacred was deafening miles away.

Honestly imagined this was the player of the orruks irl . Finding an abstract, subtle way of referencing what the players felt about their defeats at the hands of the star-lizards could be pretty cool. I feel like the last line was exactly that.

 

[Lizerd]

It was a pretty epic fight, especially when the Oldblood pounded the hell out of the maw krusha

provided my opponent was shall we say; surprised

 

[bOdziO Wolf]

Lots of biting in part two and the scenes get more descriptive as well

Two possible improvements:
* you sometimes capitalize Orruk and sometime not (orruk), is there any difference for the reader? If not I think they should be always capitalized.
* in some of the paragraphs there is a series of Maw Crusha this (...), Maw Crusha that (...), Maw Crusha (...), same goes for Oldblood. Maybe its good to introduce alternating synonyms that the reader would immediately recognize? For example consider the following cycle: Oldblood, lizard rider, golden-armo(u)red reptile, blue cold-blooded killer, Oldblood.